You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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