true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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