Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
