And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
