Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
