you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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