At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
