I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
