We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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