You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
40s are totally the cure
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
