he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
