Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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