The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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