Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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