Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
