I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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