You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
