I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
