My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
