I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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