dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
