Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
