So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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