Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Girls should come with a carfax report
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
