I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
