Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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