The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want to make out with him forever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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