my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
