Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
