i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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