he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
