How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
