I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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