found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
