i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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