when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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