the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
two words...techno handjob
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
