Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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