The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
