the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
