How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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