Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
