My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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