its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
