the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
