You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
