McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
