someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
