I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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