I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
