Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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