I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
