in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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