somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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