What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
