It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
