I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
