At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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