my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
