haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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