Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.

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  (757): I am not having having sex with guys at the moment. (734): I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue. http://tfl.nu/51cx
  Replies (2) Good night (2086) Bad night (553)
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  (760): View more from California

  There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

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  (760): There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours. http://tfl.nu/m1ds
  Replies (34) Good night (3705) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?

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  (603): So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'? http://tfl.nu/2o2u
  Replies (26) Good night (861) Bad night (3690)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked

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  (719): so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked http://tfl.nu/uvvy
  Replies (49) Good night (1230) Bad night (5043)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

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  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (9169) Bad night (1182)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.

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  (202): Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now. http://tfl.nu/6prd
  Replies (7) Good night (920) Bad night (2453)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I can feel the alcohol in my calves

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  (518): I can feel the alcohol in my calves http://tfl.nu/p5wf
  Replies (3) Good night (2820) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.

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  (519): sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass. http://tfl.nu/vgdt
  Replies (5) Good night (2485) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?

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  (910): I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/00z1
  Replies (10) Good night (2369) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong

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  (715): We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong http://tfl.nu/qp7g
  Replies (15) Good night (880) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.

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  (914): I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot. http://tfl.nu/25dg
  Replies (9) Good night (968) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.

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  (262): You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM. http://tfl.nu/legz
  Replies (3) Good night (1357) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"

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  (321): Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo" http://tfl.nu/3ea4
  Replies (8) Good night (808) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Of course. Go big or go home.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You're my fucking queen.

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  (330): Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship? (856): Of course. Go big or go home. (330): You're my fucking queen. http://tfl.nu/faru
  Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon

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  (970): She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon http://tfl.nu/u33x
  Replies (0) Good night (515) Bad night (152)

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