these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.