Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.