Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Um, that's called prostitution

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

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  (917): Um, that's called prostitution (773): Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money http://tfl.nu/jjue
  Replies (4) Good night (2851) Bad night (660)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can Purell be used as lube?

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  (512): Can Purell be used as lube? http://tfl.nu/e9pj
  Replies (37) Good night (764) Bad night (4112)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window

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  (847): as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window http://tfl.nu/5gk2
  Replies (17) Good night (651) Bad night (2571)
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14884) Bad night (2282)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.

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  (940): The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down. http://tfl.nu/a74v
  Replies (27) Good night (7466) Bad night (1112)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority

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  (773): Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority http://tfl.nu/nkbz
  Replies (8) Good night (2097) Bad night (980)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt

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  (651): I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt http://tfl.nu/h1u7
  Replies (9) Good night (762) Bad night (2660)
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  (212): View more from New York

  When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.

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  (212): When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too. http://tfl.nu/4mqk
  Replies (3) Good night (1218) Bad night (551)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.

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  (313): We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood. http://tfl.nu/swis
  Replies (4) Good night (750) Bad night (1587)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.

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  (434): Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them. http://tfl.nu/1lvf
  Replies (19) Good night (1667) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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  (512): You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor. http://tfl.nu/8xpn
  Replies (1) Good night (1209) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"

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  (216): We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence" http://tfl.nu/k55r
  Replies (0) Good night (579) Bad night (319)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.

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  (724): that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/4gsa
  Replies (0) Good night (655) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation

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  (714): I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation http://tfl.nu/yqvf
  Replies (1) Good night (952) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes

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  (647): my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes http://tfl.nu/v9rt
  Replies (1) Good night (453) Bad night (352)

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