she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
