i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.