That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.