Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

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  (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. http://tfl.nu/8yi0
  Replies (36) Good night (1047) Bad night (3197)
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  (510): View more from California

  I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.

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  (510): I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself. http://tfl.nu/0jlx
  Replies (74) Good night (1104) Bad night (3329)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  when are you leaving homes?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I had a sex dream about Oprah.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  go back to sleep

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.

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  (302): when are you leaving homes? (610): it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51 (302): I had a sex dream about Oprah. (610): go back to sleep (302): dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah. http://tfl.nu/idf1
  Replies (16) Good night (1548) Bad night (5502)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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  (313): tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve http://tfl.nu/02r5
  Replies (12) Good night (3881) Bad night (1054)
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  (661): View more from California

  The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.

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  (661): The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me. http://tfl.nu/fztu
  Replies (6) Good night (2288) Bad night (835)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.

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  (206): You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick. http://tfl.nu/hzir
  Replies (12) Good night (2621) Bad night (1005)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

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  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4454) Bad night (1032)
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  (760): View more from California

  The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.

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  (760): The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here. http://tfl.nu/qr6c
  Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (983)
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  (408): View more from California

  tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????

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  (408): tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ???? http://tfl.nu/bwh4
  Replies (2) Good night (1692) Bad night (670)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.

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  (503): So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper. http://tfl.nu/n7cq
  Replies (3) Good night (808) Bad night (392)
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  (831): View more from California

  Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.

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  (831): Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/t35m
  Replies (5) Good night (747) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College

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  (814): I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College http://tfl.nu/y7mj
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink

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  (480): It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink http://tfl.nu/j4a7
  Replies (4) Good night (961) Bad night (340)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?

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  (716): It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before? http://tfl.nu/zugc
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (505)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me

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  (305): Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me http://tfl.nu/jr12
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (177)

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