Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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  (803): You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo http://tfl.nu/7wt5
  Replies (35) Good night (4095) Bad night (603)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'

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  (303): i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris' http://tfl.nu/lstf
  Replies (17) Good night (5277) Bad night (541)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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  (850): I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5 http://tfl.nu/td44
  Replies (58) Good night (736) Bad night (4757)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.

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  (908): he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me. http://tfl.nu/x367
  Replies (16) Good night (4643) Bad night (3575)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

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  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9514) Bad night (1186)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

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  (785): I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive. http://tfl.nu/o6oy
  Replies (6) Good night (4022) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk

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  (916): I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk http://tfl.nu/o3lp
  Replies (12) Good night (2239) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.

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  (678): Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job. http://tfl.nu/5ogs
  Replies (11) Good night (4084) Bad night (837)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP

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  (780): Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP http://tfl.nu/n1dg
  Replies (0) Good night (737) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I think a kid would responsible me up

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  (906): I think a kid would responsible me up http://tfl.nu/vbco
  Replies (16) Good night (575) Bad night (1954)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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  (+61): I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING. http://tfl.nu/8crd
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.

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  (803): Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time. http://tfl.nu/1oum
  Replies (5) Good night (525) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.

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  (651): I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night. http://tfl.nu/yvx0
  Replies (3) Good night (272) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun

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  (270): I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun http://tfl.nu/24f6
  Replies (2) Good night (604) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent

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  (407): I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent http://tfl.nu/qh18
  Replies (3) Good night (307) Bad night (435)

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