she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.