when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
