just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
