am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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