My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
