I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
