out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
