how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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