I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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