I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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