We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
