The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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