Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
